i don't like sucking hair
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
