its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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