I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
