And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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