I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
