I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize