After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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