Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
