These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
