My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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