Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
