Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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