We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
