Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
