And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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