he was CRYING into my vagina
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
