quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This house was built for laser tag.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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