I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
