New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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