no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
