he puts the penis in happiness.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
