proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize