I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
