Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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