last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
