Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
