he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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