I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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