Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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