Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
