so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
