I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
