wat bout pragnant strippers??
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why are your pants in the freezer?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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