I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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