just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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