I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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