OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize