I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
