I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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