So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
