they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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