heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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