OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
