Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
