apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
