I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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