She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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