Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
