How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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