I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize