Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
