Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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