think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
