she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YAS. BRING CRAB.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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