I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
