he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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