I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize