Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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