Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
