The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
