That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
