I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
