and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
