i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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