she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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