I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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