Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
