Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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