i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize