just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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