he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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