mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize