Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
