I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
