the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
