I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
