he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
