Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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