Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
