his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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