i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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