i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
