can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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