Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
