she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
