I want to stick my p in your. b.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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