This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm like, not good at living.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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