and she was petting her beer can
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
