Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
They have beer where we have blood.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
