It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
