Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
