is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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