I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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